closing the door.

it's been days since we last talked, and it has been a nightmare, i still think about you every single day and it hurts to remember when i was with you, it hurts to remember everything good about you, and i hate myself for forgiving you, for wanting to go back to you. and i tried, so hard, to love myself first, to let it go for good.

all of this is so wrong, the way you talked to me that night and showed no emotion at all, the way i still don't know what the fuck went through your mind at all, and i can't stop thinking about what are you doing, what are you feeling, the impossibility of the situation it's hard to accept and i don't know how much longer i can hold it. 

you were one of the hardest thing that has ever happened to me, because i never felt in love this way, in this strange, addictive way, 

you were so damn unique, its too damn hard to get over you, and the worst part it's that i feel you know that and you took advantage of what i was feeling, but at the same time i can't hate you, and i keep making excuses for you, cause i don't think you are a bad person, in fact, you are one of the most beautiful people i've met, so tell me, how can i let you go when i have to let you go, why was it all so good, when you hurt me so bad, everything it's so contradictory and i don't know how to move forward, cause im stuck with you, with your touch, and your eyes, and your laugh, and your embrace, im stuck and it kills me so painfully and slowly and i guess i could just move on, but i feel moving on it's even worst, cause that means saying goodbye to you, and im not ready, i don't wanna be, cause all i want its you, why?