euphoria.

and here i am, 

full of emotions that i don't understand, 

full of tears and fears, 

full of something that i don't comprehend, that isn't good or bad, it's just there, and makes me feel something and nothing at the same time. 

and i'm questioning everything but i don't know what i'm questioning really, i guess what i'm feeling it's just life in its most overwhelming way, in its most unclear way, in its most full way. 

and i can't stop thinking about art, and the meaning of it, 

i can't stop thinking about the sounds that move me, the words that move me, the feelings art holds in itself that i've spend so much time trying to understand and create myself, and i just feel those reactions are vague but so powerful that it's beyond myself, but then again, it belongs to this world, it's not something beyond, it's not religion, it's just art created by humans, and that makes no sense at all. 

and i can't stop thinking about relationships and the feelings that they imply, 

i can't stop thinking about delusion and addiction and the way i'm afraid none of this is real, and im just someone who's living in the matrix of their own head. 

i'm afraid, suddenly, i'm so afraid cause i don't know who i am, not in the way you say you don't understand yourself, in the way that i don't belong to my body or my mind, in the way absolutely nothing makes sense but this feeling of fullness it's still here and i think i've never experienced this before. it's overwhelming because i don't like it but i like it, and it feels like everything, every feeling, good and bad, all at once, and it just doesn't make sense. 

and now im thinking maybe that's life and im just having a fucking realization like, a huge one, like THE one, but then i don't believe it because i feel that's just my imagination trying make something out of this life but in reality there's nothing. 

and the worst part is that it's going slowly away and i couldn't get an understanding, 

a lesson, 

something from it, it just vanished, 

and now im here, again, seeing life like we all normally do, and i hate it, but i guess it's impossible to be that high all the time, 

that full all the time

because it's so intense it's consuming, 

because if i'm alive I want it to be because of that feeling, 

because it suddenly changed everything to feel that, 

whatever it was, im gonna keep looking for it, im just scared i might be loosing life in the way,